


I Wouldn't Change Anything

by OnTheGround2012



Series: Flinthamilton Stories/Stuff [4]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Admissions, Angst, Anniversary, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Future, Future Fic, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, Miranda Barlow (mentioned) - Freeform, Past, Past Tense, Post Finale, Present Tense, Questioning, Questions, Realization, Romantic Fluff, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 10:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14210892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnTheGround2012/pseuds/OnTheGround2012
Summary: James feels like he is responsible in some way for Miranda's death and he believes Thomas won't be able to forgive him. Thomas assures him he couldn't be more wrong.“Yes. I wouldn’t say that declaring a war to England and risking your life in my name was exactly brilliant, wouldn’t you agree? It’s flattering… and extremely brave, dear… but I could have lost you because of it. And nothing that might lead to your death could ever be brilliant. I’m sure Miranda agreed with me.”





	I Wouldn't Change Anything

**Author's Note:**

> I’m a little late but I hope it’s still okay to post this today to celebrate Thomas Hamilton's resurrection day. This is just my third flinthamilton fic because I’m not a writer and I’m not very good at writing this pairing so it terrifies me, but well, in honor of his resurrection I wanted to give it a try. 
> 
> If you have a sec, I'd love to know your thoughts about this thing...
> 
> Crossposted on [Tumblr](http://otg2012.tumblr.com/post/172590600228/happy-thomas-resurrection-day-im-a-little-late).
> 
> Thanks so much to DreamingPagan for her beta and advice. She certainly improved it a lot.
> 
> And also thank you to AllisonDiamond for giving me her opinion and providing a summary. I'm just terrible with summaries.

They are sitting in the living room after lunch. Each of them has a book in their hands and they are supposed to be reading but for a moment, Thomas looks at James and can see that even if the book is open, his mind is somewhere else. It’s the anniversary of Miranda’s death and Thomas is afraid that maybe he’s thinking about it.

“What’s on your mind?” Thomas asks.

“I’m not sure you want to know.” James says, looking at the pages again.

“Why shouldn’t I want to know?” Thomas raises his eyebrows, closes the book and rests it on his lap. “Your mind is full of brilliant things most of time.”

“Just most of the time?” James smirks.

“Yes. I wouldn’t say that declaring a war to England and risking your life in my name was exactly brilliant, wouldn’t you agree? It’s flattering… and extremely brave, dear… but I could have lost you because of it. And nothing that might lead to your death could ever be brilliant. I’m sure Miranda agreed with me.”

It’s been almost a year since they reunited and escaped the plantation and as hard as it is, at least now they are able to mention her without feeling like crying anymore. They know that’s not what she would have wanted. Because she would have wanted them to live life to the fullest, instead of living a life of grief and regrets. That is something that neither of them have ever doubted and they owe it to her to be happy.

“She did. Of course, she did. We had countless arguments about it. And she tried to convince me…” James shakes his head as he remembers those times. It still feels like it was yesterday.

“You can be proud of her.” James continues. “She tried her best to convince me. You know how she wanted us to start a new life, so that I could leave Captain Flint behind. As strong-minded and I guess, right, as she was, she wasn’t able to convince me. I said it was me who had to grant them my forgiveness… not the other way around. And I’m sorry, but that’s still how I feel. Just because you’re back, it doesn’t mean they didn’t ruin our lives.”

“James--”

“They killed her and it’s pretty much a miracle that you didn’t die and that I found you. Actually, if I had listened to her, I’d never have found you. And I’m aware of how selfish and utterly wrong this is gonna sound but… I wouldn’t change anything if it meant not finding out about the plantation. If it meant... not finding you.”

There is a silence after that and this is one of the few times when James is having a hard time reading Thomas’ expression.  
“Are you angry?” James frowns. Sometimes he should bite his tongue. The last thing he wants is to hurt Thomas’ feelings and he’s never said that aloud before. Besides, now that he thinks about it, it was probably stupid that he chose today to share those thoughts.

“I’m surprised, I guess. But I’m not angry. You didn’t say anything for me to be angry.

“How can you be surprised?” James waves his right hand.

“Because you told me how her death ruined you. What it meant for you. That’s why.”

“Yes, that’s true. I was ruined over her. But with time I’ve realised that the reason was because I was used to having her whenever I needed her. She was the only person I had left who really knew _me_. James, not the captain. And she was the only other person who also remembered you. Who reminded me that you loved me, that it was real. She once told me that what you and I had shared was entirely different to your relationship with her, and of course, I didn’t need it, I’ve always known that… but at that time, with everything that was going on, she just knew that I needed to hear it from her.” 

James snorts as he remembers that day. “She wasn’t sure that I knew why I was fighting anymore… and even if she couldn’t have been more wrong about that, she wanted a stable and prosperous Nassau as much as I did, and she thought that her idea was our opportunity to control our own futures. Of course, I should have never agreed and I’ll regret it as long as I live. That is a decision I’d certainly change.”

“James, I know you blame yourself but the only person to blame here is Peter. You had nothing to do with it. You took care of her like I asked--”

“I brought her there,” James interrupts him. “I should have--”

“You didn’t know he was the one who had betrayed us--” Thomas says, waving his right arm.

“Then, maybe I should have… somehow…” James licks his lips.

“That’s impossible.” Thomas says louder than he intended. “You had no way to know, and if she were here she would tell you the same.” 

“Sometimes I wonder why you don’t hate me for taking her there,” James admits, avoiding Thomas’ gaze.

Thomas shakes her head, it is amazing how James can still surprise him saying things like that. 

“First of all, what you were trying to achieve… I know you were trying to achieve it in my name. You and her, you wanted Nassau to become everything we wanted. You could have moved on. You could have started a new life somewhere else but instead, you didn’t leave behind what we started. And you should know that whatever you two did to achieve that goal makes me feel nothing but pride. Including your proposal to Peter. And second of all, if you think there’s anything in this world that could make me hate you… well, then I’m not sure you really know the full depth of my feelings for you.”

“It’s not that I don’t know.” James shakes his head.

Thomas smiles. “After almost a year, I would expect you to… but I’ve no objection to reminding you. Actually, I thank god every day for having the chance to do it. For waking up next to you. For sharing my life with you. But, nonetheless, that absurdity you said before, I suggest you forget you ever thought of it.”

James can’t help but smile when he sees his line delivered back to him. It isn’t the first time since they reunited and the fact that Thomas can still remember things like that all these years later will never cease to amaze him.

“Whatever you say, my lord,” James says, looking directly into Thomas’ eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [otg2012](http://otg2012.tumblr.com) on Tumblr if you wanna share any thoughts or whatever.
> 
> Comments & kudos are love :)


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